The Plan
by DiamondDuchess
Summary: Can they find a way to be together? One Shot


The Plan

He climbs off me and lies next to me breathing heavily, in time with me. We are both exhausted by the most phenomenal sex we have ever had. It was like we came together mind body and soul and it felt like this time, it was for keeps.

I turn to look at him and see his chest glistening with sweat before raising my eyes to his face to find him looking intently at me. As if by reflex I smile at him and he reaches over to stroke my face before retuning my smile.

We turn so we are both on our sides facing each other and play with each others hands, stroking and caressing and just revelling in being together. We don't need words, not yet, there will be time for that later but for now, tonight, we just want to be with each other, away from the world.

We stay like this for about an hour, stroking and kissing and _enjoying_ each other until exhaustion over whelms us. I turn over to my other side and he wraps himself around me, pulling me close and inhaling my scent as his face nuzzles into my neck. I am slipping into unconsciousness when I hear him softly say into my ear ' I forgot how good this felt' and he is not alone. Maybe it's not a case of forgetting, maybe things have changed and that is what is making this feel different, better even. Either way, I'm inclined to agree, I had forgotten how good us together felt.

We wake early and have sex again, this time it is slow and intense and we can't take our eyes off each other. Like a connection that can't be broken. If I didn't know better I'd say this was his way of telling me he loved me, through his body and mine, through sex. He isn't a big talker, especially about emotions and all that but when we have sex he lays himself bare for me and at the time, it means more than those three words ever could.

He takes me by the hand and leads me upstairs to the shower and he starts to bathe me and before we know it we're having sex again, this time it's fast and frenetic and full of lust. When we are both spent he gently puts me back on the ground and kisses me softly. Jekyll and Hyde he is and I'm in love with both of them equally.

After hours of not talking I decide it's time to address things, here in the shower, water pouring over us, enclosed, no escape. I take a step back from him and look up into those beautiful eyes of his.

'Bren… is this it now, for us, we're together?' I ask hopeful but the look of sadness that casts over his face make me see my hope is misplaced.

'No Stephen, we can't be together, not now, not ever.' he drops his eyes from mine and his voice is full of sorrow but I feel numb.

'But… I thought… I thought now, after the club, in front of people. Why?' I know I'm not making sense, not completing sentences but nothing is breaking through this barrier of confusion.

'There are things, bigger things than you and I. They will always get in the way. I'm sorry'

I feel the numbness displaced by something else, rage. 'You're sorry' I say 'You're sorry….. I'm sorry I ever went near you, I'm sorry I was so stupid to think I was ever anything more than a shag to you. I'm sorry I let you in here' I say holding my hand over my heart.

The water seems to be falling harder now, it's not of course, I guess I'm just more conscious of it dripping off our faces and tracking down our bodies. 'Stephen…' he starts, his hand reaching out to me but before he can finish I have slapped him hard across the face. I tear open the door to the shower and walk out.

I'm oblivious to the fact I am completely naked and dripping with water as I reach the landing, ready to head downstairs to grab my clothes and leave.

'Stephen' He shouts but I carry on ' Stephen you're wrong' I stop still but I don't turn to look at him, I'm at the edge of the stairs now and as much as my head is telling me to keep walking my heart has me pinned to the spot.

'Being with me, puts you in danger, I can't have that. Not after everything. I can't risk something happening to you. I have to end this now, you and me, I have to know that you wont be hurt. What is it they say, if you love something set it free.

That's when I twist round to look at him, shock filling my senses, did he really mean what I think he just said? I look into those eyes and they are full of sincerity and something else, something I think is love. I just stare at him, frozen as he keep talking.

'You do know that don't you? You know what you mean to me? Jesus Stephen, how could you ever doubt it, I mean I know I have treated you badly, hurt you beyond measure but I thought we were getting past that, I thought you knew without me saying it. I love you Stephen, love you more than I have loved anything in my life. No wait it's more than that, I am in love with you every bit of you. I love you with my heart body and soul'

My head is spinning and although I am finding it hard to take in what he is saying, the words gradually penetrate my brain. He loves me? He is in love with me? He actually said it, we are stood dripping wet and naked, stripped of everything and he finally opens his heart to me. I make to turn, to go to him but I frget about the water that has been dripping off me, gradually starting to pool by my feet.

It's like slow motion, I slip, I am clutching at air, arms flailing and then I am bouncing down the wooden stairs, my body feeling more battered and bruised along the way. I vaguely hear him shouting and then I am at the bottom of the steps and everything goes black.

I think I am only out of it for a second or so because as I come round me gets to me, he is panicking and shouting and his hands are lightly running over me before he makes for the phone.

'No, don't call anyone, I'm fine, just bruised, I've been through worse' I look at him then and on seeing his face I realise he thinks I mean him, what he did to me was worse. 'My step dad' I say 'he didn't like me, he showed me pretty often how little he liked me to be honest.' He looks like he has seen a ghost, I don't know why, I just always assumed he knew this about me, guess we had talked even less than I thought we had.

'He…he hit you?' he asks as he crouches down next to me and I nod my head. 'Why…. Why didn't you ever tell me'

'It was in my past' I say reaching to stroke his face, ignoring the pain in my ribs 'you were my future'

He helps me get up and takes me to the bedroom before helping me to dress, he keeps trying to get me to go to hospital but I know my body, it looks worse than it really is so I ask him to tell me about what he meant when he said us being together puts me in danger and to my surprise he doe.

He holds my hand, sits next to me on the bed and explains that Warren will hurt me, that he is more than capable of it and as things stood he still has hold over Brendan because of Danny. He convinces me that it isn't our time, that he can't be so selfish as to be happy with me for days or weeks or even months if it means I am constantly in danger.

He holds my face gently, looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me, that under different circumstances he would be shouting from the rooftops about how he feels about me. I eventually tell him I understand and he helps me up and walks me to the front door.

'If I find a way for us to be together without the danger, you'd be with me right?' I ask

He reaches out and kisses me gently one last time ' in a heartbeat' he opens the door and holds my hand as I leave, trying to delay the end of us.

I pull my hood up, trying to hide the bruises that are starting to form on my face and head home, it hurts to walk down the steps but it is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. How unlucky was I, he finally admits how in love with me he is but he still can't be with me.

My mind is racing over the last things we said _" 'If I find a way for us to be together without the danger, you'd be with me right?' 'in a heartbeat' " _The walk home is slow and painful and as I approach the door to the flat I see someone is already there and my mind automatically thinks it's Warren, come to get me. I keep walking, normally I'd be scared but I have something today that I never realised I had before, I have Brendan's love and that gives me more power than anything I have ever experienced.

_I am surprised when I get to the door and the figure stands, to see that it is Noah, he starts to comment on me not coming home last night when he finally sees the state I am in physically he stops. He moves towards me and starts asking lots of questions, asking who did it, was I mugged, did I pick up a stranger, for a second I want to yell at him no, I'm not like that but again that last conversation is screaming in the forefront of my mind. 'Brendan' I say 'Brendan did it' and Noah is holding me and I feel like a total utter shit but needs must. _

_We head inside and I convince Noah nothing happened with me and Brendan, I convince him it is him I want to be with and for a second I almost believe it, I am that good. 'I want us to see him together' Noah says and without thinking I find myself agreeing. _

_Noah goes to run me a bath and I pull out my phone_

'_Noah and me are coming to club to see you, play along and just remember the last thing we said.'_

_We finally make it to the club about 3 hours later, it hurts to climb the stairs and I have to stop half way and catch my breath. Noah puts his arm out to support me and we eventually make our way to the office. _

_Noah starts accusing Brendan straight away of hurting me and I think at first he is a little confused so I try to convince him with my eyes to just go along with it and I stop Noah talking. I tell him how I am with Noah now and he looks devastated, he covers it up quickly with sarcasm and Noah again brings up Brendan beating me up, he tilts his head and says to me 'like you said Stephen, you told me what you wanted last night' he is looking me right in the eyes and I think he is finally getting what is going on 'so you're going to leave me alone then' I ask. _

_I follow this up with 'I don't love you anymore Brendan' and I try to signal to him somehow this is not true but it's virtually impossible with Noah right there. I just hope he thinks back to last night and everything we felt and this morning and everything we said and he knows that is the truth, not the words that are currently spilling out of my mouth. He just stares at me and I see a flash of sorrow in his eyes as I tell him Noah is going to look after me now as he takes hold of my hand. _

_Noah starts saying something again, I'm not sure what but I can tell Brendan is about to front up to him and this plan I have created is verging on the edge of destruction. I tell Noah I want to go and he heads out the office. I turn to look at Brendan and drop a piece of paper out of my pocket on the floor before following Noah out. _

_As I reach the stairs I turn to see him through the office door bend to pick up the paper and read it before nodding his head slightly at me. _

_I think back to that note that I hurriedly wrote when Noah was in the bathroom, It barely scratches the surface of what I feel but I hope it is enough, enough to let him know I found a way. _


End file.
